Sometimes I read other people's blogs and then think about my blog.
I realize that I do tend to skip over bad things, bad days, bad WEEKS that happen.
Lots of people talk about life...REAL LIFE.
And I really enjoy those blogs. The ones that make the person seem real and human. The ones that make you say "AMEN. I feel the SAME WAY."
So, here's a little of what's been going on in my REAL LIFE.
Eden's going through a "phase" lately. It has improved, but last week I was about to pull my hair out and scream at the top of my lungs. And I had quite a few "cry my eyes out" nights after the kids went to bed. Yeah, one of THOSE phases. I'm almost positive that she's envious of Leila. Leila's been getting lots of attention lately. She's starting to learn more, talk, be active....as well as demand attention, complain, and get into things. Thus, Eden gets time stolen away from her as daddy and mommy either "ooh" and "ahh" at Leila or "AHH!" and "NOOO!" at Leila.
The problem: I was on the edge of explosion....all the time.
So, one little thing went wrong I would practically BURST into tears, run into my room, or get unnecessarily and over-emotionally upset at Eden. And when I did that, Eden did exactly the same thing back to me (realizing the unjustness of it all towards her as well as following mom's example).
It took a while for me to step back, re-evaluate, and do what I knew I had to do to get my little girl back.
Eden needed some extra attention and love. She didn't need "do this", "don't do that", and "I'm gonna count to three and then you'll have to go to time out". She needed someone to listen to her, spend time with her, feel like I cared about her.
I wasn't giving that to her. I couldn't. I was emotionally charged.
Tyson and I had a long discussion that involved reading books, scriptures, and heart-to-heart moments. We read the story of Martha and Mary.
Martha, the housekeeper, who ran around like a crazy person trying to keep the house nice for Christ, her house guest, and complaining that Mary wasn't helping. Mary decided it was more important to sit and visit and listen to Christ and all he had to teach and say.
While Martha wasn't being BAD necessarily, rather just trying to keep a nice house for an exceptionally important guest. But Mary realized that sometimes you need to put aside GOOD things for BETTER things. Listening to Christ's message and spending time with him was the BETTER thing to do.
I was running around trying to keep the house clean, Leila from sucking the ink from markers, and actually getting Eden to SLEEP when it was bedtime. It just wasn't working.
I took a step back.
This week I've really worked on listening to Eden. I have "Eden and mommy" time during Leila's first nap without the distraction of an "unclean house". I don't judge her actions. I speak in softer more controlled tones.
Things have improved. But I'm still working on it.
I have to "listen" to Leila as well. When she cries I need to first think "when was the last time I fed her?". She wasn't sleeping at nights....to find that she had an ear infection. I sat and watched her do stuff before running in to say "no, no" to find that when she reaches to pull books off the shelves she now takes them down one at a time, looks at them as if reading, and goes for another book. When she takes off lids from the marker she'll often put all her concentration on trying to put it back on the way it was cause she's just trying to figure it out.
And I also had to teach her...she's a good learner. I've taught her how to say "more" in sign language as well as say "more". Now if she YELLS for more food I said, "Leila, how do we ask?" She'll often quiet down, clap her hands together, and say "more, more".
After I've been able to relax a bit and get life back together, I can once again think of all the happy things have been going on.
Like hearing Eden randomly sing, "Hey girl what you doing down there. Dancing alone every night while I live right below you." (Name that song? I'll give you brownie points if you can. I'd give out real brownies but seeing how most of you live in Utah...seems difficult) Then I smile because any girl of mine better know her oldies songs.
Like watching Leila learning to figure things out on her own like opening the toy closet and pulling out whatever she feels like playing with.
Like Eden and I listening to old conference talks by Elder Uchtdorf during breakfast and then during lunch having her say, "Let's listen to Elder Eyring this time!"
Like Leila learning how to put necklaces on and then wearing them as she crawls around the house.
Like Eden learning to draw giraffes, monsters, volcanoes, bears, and her name.
Like Leila giving a "stink face" any time she sees a stranger.
Like Eden loving to stand on a chair next to me at the sink playing with her play dishes in the water while I wash dishes.
Like Leila laughing when she learns to do something new that gives her independence, like walking while holding on to my hands.
Like Eden running after me after putting her down to bed because she says, "Wait mom, you forgot your kiss!"
Like Leila snuggling with her stuffed llama and saying, "llama".
Like Eden and I having a race to see if she can get in her car seat first or if I can buckle Leila in first.
Like Leila's love for books that she loves to look through them any chance she can.
The list goes on and on. Its amazing the things you miss when you are emotionally distracted by things of lesser importance. And even though I say all these things now, I know that tomorrow will be a new day filled with new challenges. And there will probably be at least one time during the day where I want to scream and rip all my hair out.
But right now I feel blessed by my trials. I'm happy.
