Letters

Dear Baby in Belly,

I'd rather you come sooner than later. Can you fit that in your schedule by chance? I know you're busy developing and such...but now that you're full term I think we can handle it.


Dear Dirty House,

I would greatly appreciate it if you would clean yourself once in a while. I obviously can't seem to do it by myself and my emotions run high when everywhere I look I realize how behind I am in my "wifey/motherly duties".


Dear Stairway,

Thanks for the quick reminder that back pain during the final stages of pregnancy CAN get worse. Just take a small tumble down the stairs and get a few scrapes and bruises....makes me remember how great it was back when I only had the pregnancy back pains to worry about. Although, a favor for next time you decide to let me take a tumble....throw me into labor while you're at it.


Dear Finals,

My husband keeps telling me how important you are, how much time he needs to spend with you, and how much attention you need. You know, I try to tell him that all the time and he doesn't listen to me like he listens to you. Its kind of making me jealous...and a bit neglected to be quite honest. You should let me in on how to get the same results you get from my husband.


Dear "TO DO" Lists,

Aren't you supposed to be getting SHORTER instead of LONGER?


Dear Cell Phone, Email, Blog, and Facebook,

Isn't there a quote from a movie that says something like, "I don't go online because its just another form of rejection."? No missed calls or texts, no new emails (except junk mail), no new comments on my blog, and no new messages or friends on facebook....I think I'm starting to feel this "rejection" that was talked about.


Dear Eden,

You have been such an angel through this whole "pregnancy" thing. I couldn't ask for more...seriously. You've been good about letting me sleep in while you watch a movie, checking up if you don't hear from me just to let me know that you care and want me to be there, saying "I love you" all the time and giving me hugs and kisses on demand, making me laugh with different things that you say and do everyday, calling me your "best friend", never making me feel bad for having a dirty house or undone laundry or dishes filling the sink, and not making much trouble. The only complaint I'd have is that I wish you were a bit taller...and your toys were a bit taller. Its getting kind of hard to get down to your level to play with you for extended periods of time.


Dear Glasses,

No offense, but I don't want to wear you anymore. I really enjoy my contacts. And I realize that I should really be saying "thank you for being there while my contacts give me pink eye every other day" but maybe we can come to a happy compromise where I use you for emergencies instead of everyday wear. Please, don't be offended.


Dear Weather,

While people in Utah are complaining that it still snows in late May....I'm DYING out here in Missouri. Pregnancy, heat, and humidity DON'T mix well.


Dear Utah,

I miss you a lot. I miss my old friends and my family calling me to ask me to do stuff with them all the time. I miss having a grocery store that I like and can trust around every corner. I miss not having the smell of stale smoke come through our vents. And I miss the KSL Classifieds. Unfortunately, I think you've long forgotten about me.


Dear Self,

Stop complaining. Its not attractive.